Just got back from another epic camping trip. I have now washed away the stink of nature and reacquainted myself with my precious cell phone and laptop. Is it wrong to love inanimate objects slightly more than a pet and slightly less than a sibling? Just askin'.

As always, camping was a great time to learn valuable lessons that aren't to be had anywhere else. I present the following DOs and DON'Ts in the hopes that my time in the woods can be as enlightening for you as it was for me.

DO take time to appreciate the little things: singing birds, the wind whistling through the pines, the frigid embrace of the rocky ground as your air mattress gradually deflates during the night.

DON'T bother even trying to wear deodorant on a three-day camping trip. When it's matched against the smell of burnt marshmallows, sunscreen, sweat, Deep Woods Off, campfire smoke, river fish and kerosene, do you really think Right Guard stands a chance? Please.

DO resist the urge to savagely murder your in-laws when they start laughing and chatting at 6:30 a.m. in their tent pitched four feet from yours.

DON'T become too attached to your brand-new waders. They will be punctured by a hidden stick .5 miles into your three-mile hike and slowly fill with icy water the rest of the afternoon. The laws of the universe decree it must be so.

DO realize that a common brown trout is smarter than a college-educated human being and will mockingly swim in circles as you pass your carefully tied fly over his head again and again.