Up to the Minotaur

I adore razor-sharp writing that can make you laugh a little and cry a little at the same time. This spot-on satirical video from The Onion does exactly that.

The subject of the discussion is absolutely ridiculous (and hilarious), but many of the panel's comments are paraphrasing points actually made by pundits during recent ethical debates about torture. So scarily close to the truth that it's funny, or is it the other way around?


Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture?

In Which I Lament My Dwindling Faith In Humanity



Lament #202

Tens of millions are unemployed, banks are failing, the economy's on life support, we're mired in two fantastically bloody and expensive wars and this is currently the most popular article on Time.com. Really, humanity?

Feelin' Blu



I've made a huge mistake. And I know of no better venue to discreetly reveal my errors than the cozy intimacy of the world wide web. Here's the deal:

We recently upgraded to a nice big plasma TV, and part of the deal that I got on it was that it came with a Blu-ray player. I'd been looking at getting one for a while, so this seemed like a great time to take the plunge. (Cue ominous music)

Blu-rays on a huge HD screen are an epiphany. After we finished The Dark Knight the other day, I just sat and wept at the beauty of it all. After watching a hi-def movie on a hi-def TV, I can finally say it: we are now living in the future.

"What's the problem, then?" you are probably asking right about now. It's simple: once you've tasted the sweet sweet digital nectar that is Blu-ray, all of your regular DVDs look like crap. I look at the collection that was perfectly awesome last week, and I don't want to have anything to do with it now. And since Blu-rays still cost $10 or $15 more apiece than regular DVDs, I won't be switching my entire collection over anytime soon. This is the part where you start feeling sorry for me.

It's like buying a Ferrari and discovering every road's a work zone. It's like going to Ruth's Chris and just eating a roll. It's what it must feel like to be Chuck Norris every day.

It's really true what they say: once you go Blu, you never go back. Learn from my fate, and consider yourself warned.




Now for today's INTERESTING SCIENCE FACT: The above image is not Photoshopped--there really are blue lobsters. Don't believe me? Go get your Wiki on.

DOs and DON'Ts: Camping


Just got back from another epic camping trip. I have now washed away the stink of nature and reacquainted myself with my precious cell phone and laptop. Is it wrong to love inanimate objects slightly more than a pet and slightly less than a sibling? Just askin'.

As always, camping was a great time to learn valuable lessons that aren't to be had anywhere else. I present the following DOs and DON'Ts in the hopes that my time in the woods can be as enlightening for you as it was for me.

DO take time to appreciate the little things: singing birds, the wind whistling through the pines, the frigid embrace of the rocky ground as your air mattress gradually deflates during the night.

DON'T bother even trying to wear deodorant on a three-day camping trip. When it's matched against the smell of burnt marshmallows, sunscreen, sweat, Deep Woods Off, campfire smoke, river fish and kerosene, do you really think Right Guard stands a chance? Please.

DO resist the urge to savagely murder your in-laws when they start laughing and chatting at 6:30 a.m. in their tent pitched four feet from yours.

DON'T become too attached to your brand-new waders. They will be punctured by a hidden stick .5 miles into your three-mile hike and slowly fill with icy water the rest of the afternoon. The laws of the universe decree it must be so.

DO realize that a common brown trout is smarter than a college-educated human being and will mockingly swim in circles as you pass your carefully tied fly over his head again and again.

Into the Woods

It's that time again: our annual three-day camping trip with Riley's family. A time that I, a grown, vain man will spend the entirety of dressed like this:



Last year's trip taught me some very valuable life lessons (http://whatshaneknows.blogspot.com/2008/08/things-that-camping-taught-me-about.html). I can only hope this year is equally instructive.

And so I'm off, into an ominous cloud of bug spray and spotty cell phone reception. If I'm not back to blogging by Sunday, dear readers, please send the authorities to Huntington, Utah. Tell them to look for a skinny white guy weeping like a child and cowering under a "bear shield" made of broken branches and shredded tent nylon. He'll be defiantly clutching a bag of uneaten beef jerky (gross!).