Electile Dysfunction


It's that time of year again. The air is crisp and smells of autumn leaves, it's getting dark earlier, and it's almost time to vote. As a registered independent, I tend to send a fair amount of snark towards candidates from both parties. Republicans and Democrats are known to do/say a fairly equal amount of stupid stuff, and I often have a hard time deciding who I like less.

This year feels a little different, though, and unless he punches a fawn or gets caught wearing "I Heart Osama" underpants, I think Mr. Obama is going to get my vote. Here are some (admittedly shallow) reasons you should Barack the vote in '08 as well:

Let's be real: do you want a guy who looks like a reanimated corpse running the country?

Sarah Palin, in the grand tradition of such illuminated minds as George W. Bush, believes that we should keep nookyoolar weapons out of the hands of terrorists. Seriously, I know English can be tricky, but this one is actually spelled like it sounds!

McCain=Lord of the Zombies. I cannot stress it enough.

Of the two major party candidates, only Obama seems to be able to actually fully turn towards his opponent and refer to him by name. Is it really so tough, Johnny? He ain't go' bite ya.

"McCain" almost rhymes with "I eat brains". I am not making this up, guys.

Sarah Palin is somehow capable of spending $150,000 of campaign contributions on a new wardrobe, but can't afford a $19.95 hardbound copy of a salon style guide that contains more than one hairdo option.

This picture:



Obama knows how many houses he owns: 1. McCain will need to get back to you on that. That sells really well in an economy-focused election, Mr. Maverick.

A vote for John McCain is a vote for utter and total annihilation by the unspeakable armies of the damned. Did I mention that yet?