Electile Dysfunction


It's that time of year again. The air is crisp and smells of autumn leaves, it's getting dark earlier, and it's almost time to vote. As a registered independent, I tend to send a fair amount of snark towards candidates from both parties. Republicans and Democrats are known to do/say a fairly equal amount of stupid stuff, and I often have a hard time deciding who I like less.

This year feels a little different, though, and unless he punches a fawn or gets caught wearing "I Heart Osama" underpants, I think Mr. Obama is going to get my vote. Here are some (admittedly shallow) reasons you should Barack the vote in '08 as well:

Let's be real: do you want a guy who looks like a reanimated corpse running the country?

Sarah Palin, in the grand tradition of such illuminated minds as George W. Bush, believes that we should keep nookyoolar weapons out of the hands of terrorists. Seriously, I know English can be tricky, but this one is actually spelled like it sounds!

McCain=Lord of the Zombies. I cannot stress it enough.

Of the two major party candidates, only Obama seems to be able to actually fully turn towards his opponent and refer to him by name. Is it really so tough, Johnny? He ain't go' bite ya.

"McCain" almost rhymes with "I eat brains". I am not making this up, guys.

Sarah Palin is somehow capable of spending $150,000 of campaign contributions on a new wardrobe, but can't afford a $19.95 hardbound copy of a salon style guide that contains more than one hairdo option.

This picture:



Obama knows how many houses he owns: 1. McCain will need to get back to you on that. That sells really well in an economy-focused election, Mr. Maverick.

A vote for John McCain is a vote for utter and total annihilation by the unspeakable armies of the damned. Did I mention that yet?

2 comments:

Rachel said...

While I wish I could agree, (having the first black president would be cool & shallow) I just can't. I don't love McCain, but his plans for health care, taxes, and foreign affairs just seem to line up more with my beliefs. How can raising taxes on the large, and usually international, companies help the economy? I am already seeing the results of such talk. My brother, who works for such a company, is being relocated to Europe in January as the company anticipates higher taxes when the new president comes into office. Tell me how such a move helps the economy? My brother only goes because he's in management, but all the lower positions - out of work. And this is a the larges off-shore drilling company in the world, which means that A LOT of people are out of work in the US. So much for a good idea. Shane, you're smarter than to be so shallow... or have you changed since your spag days?

Rachel said...

Oh, and another thing. About the hairdo. We're lucky she can wear her hair up or down... compare that to Barack's barely there hair, Biden's one hairdo, and even Hillary's immovable hair. What a sexist remark. Since when does someone's hair matter? How does that directly affect the success of a country, an economy, a war? It doesn't. At all.