As you’ve probably heard, the WGA (Writers Guild of America) is on strike because of a disagreement with movie and television producers over royalties and residuals (read: $$$). What this means to you and me is that the T.V. studios are rapidly running out of scripts, and our favorite shows will soon be off the air, if they aren’t already. What will be left are reality and game shows, whose writers aren’t members of the Guild.

As an aspiring WGA member, I feel it my duty to support the writers. However, as a television viewer (I love The Office, House, and 30 Rock), I feel obligated to offer some few programming suggestions to the studios as they struggle with what to put on the air.

ABC

Are You Edible?
A daring reality show that invites professional cannibal chefs to sample brave viewers and inform them of their level of “scrumptiousness”. Watch out for the zesty wit of Nuwandubumppu, the “Simon Cowell of cannibalism”. Television has never been so tasteful.


CBS

CSI: Santaquin
A gritty look at the crack team of crime solvers in central Utah’s thriving metropolis. Be amazed as they use the latest technology to solve the mystery of Nephi Smith’s missing cat (SPOILER! It was under the porch) and Sariah Rockwell’s rickets (SPOILER! Lack of sunlight).


NBC

Are You Smarter Than Ben Bernanke?
Twelve aspiring capitalists compete to see who can bring the country to financial ruin the fastest. The most unqualified contestant becomes the new chairman of the Federal Reserve, with President Bush rewarding their incompetence with his trademark, “You’re hired!”


FOX

Oedipus Island
You thought your family had problems! The “mother” of all reality shows.


The CW

Heaven help you; I have nothing for you. I doubt anyone’s noticed that nobody’s writing your shows anymore. (Are you listening, Gossip Girl? XO! XO!)